


Not While I'm Around

by jamiesommers



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-29
Updated: 2013-12-29
Packaged: 2018-01-06 13:32:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1107447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamiesommers/pseuds/jamiesommers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While on the train during the Victory Tour Katniss and Peeta start to find comfort in the most unlikely of places.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not While I'm Around

**Author's Note:**

  * For [msdisdain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/msdisdain/gifts).



> Prompt: Au or Canon: Write an Everlark story inspired by the lyrics to any Sondheim song. Some suggestions: “I Wish I Could Forget You” or “Loving You” from Passion; “Not a Day Goes By” from Merrily We Roll Along; “Move on” or “We Do Not Belong Together” from Sunday in the Park with George; “No More” from Into the Woods.
> 
> Author's Note: Though I love all of these songs the first one that popped into my head was “Not While I'm Around” from Sweeney Todd. I hope you like it my dear msdisdain.

 

 

 

 

_Nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around._   
_Nothing's gonna harm you, no sir, not while I'm around._   
  
_Demons are prowling everywhere, nowadays,_   
_I'll send 'em howling,_   
_I don't care, I got ways._   
  
_No one's gonna hurt you,_   
_No one's gonna dare._   
_Others can desert you,_   
_Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there._   
  
_~ Stephen Sondheim~_

 

 

**Not While I'm Around**

 

 

The rocking motion of the Capitol's luxurious train put almost everyone on board fast asleep, but three victors. Alcohol was the source of peace, if you could call it that, for one of them, but the other two feared the dark of night, for it brought the unconscious state that left them unprotected and vulnerable to the unknown. There was no security in their dreams. No shelter they could hide out in. No place was safe once their bodies gave into its natural instinct and the need for rest.

 

Peeta's nightmares started while under the Capitol's sedation during his recovery after the Games. His body was frozen in place, not only in reality, but in his dreams as well. He screamed out Katniss' name, tried to force his feet from their spot in the middle of the arena, but she was gone and all he heard was her screaming out to him for help. He suffered through the nightmare of not being able to help her for sixteen hours straight until his heart rate grew out of control and the doctors stopped administering medications to make him sleep. Since that time, he spent most of his nights roaming the halls of his home in Victor's Village with a sharp knife in hand, ready to protect himself from the monsters that invaded his slumber...that threatened his current reality. It wasn't until Effie Trinket sent him an abundance of art supplies that he found an outlet for the night terrors, but on the Victory Tour he had nothing to keep himself busy other than the continual pacing through the train cars. He contemplated using Haymitch's vice, but remembered all too well what had happened the last time he had been under the influence during his recovery and feared that the alcohol would have the same effect.

 

The first night Peeta heard Katniss scream, panic shot through him like ice water in his veins. He had to get to her, only this time when he heard her calling out there was nothing keeping his feet frozen in place. “Katniss,” he ran to the edge of her bed and engulfed her in a protective embrace. “Wake up,” his voice was laden with concern. “Please, Katniss. Wake up.”

 

“Peeta?” Katniss' voice was thick and the normal shimmer in her silver eyes had dulled to a flat and lifeless gray.

 

“I'm here. I've got you.”

 

“Peeta,” her tears came hot and heavy against his chest as images of a mutt's bared teeth and Cato's bloodied flesh popping out from between the seams of his body armor, were fresh in her mind. Her entire being began to quake as she found herself practically climbing up Peeta's torso, unable to get close enough to him.

 

“Shh,” her heart drummed loudly as he forced himself to keep his composure for her sake. “I've got you. I've got you,” he repeated until she buried her face in his neck and quietly sobbed. Searching for a way to help calm her, he asked, “Want to talk about it?”

 

What was there to talk about? She had a nightmare, the same ones she had been having for the past six months and they weren't going anywhere. If anything they were getting worse as time progressed. Katniss shook her head, declining his offer, and tried to rid herself of the deadly images that had plagued her dreams, but Cato's eyes, pleading for death, refused to disappear.

 

“I have them too,” he stroked a hand up and down the bumps on her spine. Katniss lifted her face to his. “The nightmares,” he answered her unasked question. “I get them too.”

 

“What do you...” she swiped a hand beneath her nose to stop it from running into her mouth. “What do you do about them?”

 

“Paint.”

 

She had already known that. Hadn't she seen the images of his nightmares when he showed her the results of them on his canvases? “But what about here? You can't paint here. How do you...how have you been coping while on the tour?”

 

“I walk mostly.” He let out a soft sigh. “But the truth is, I haven't really been coping since we left the arena. Even when I paint or sketch, the images are so real and no matter what I do, they don't go away.” He adjusted himself on the edge of her bed and faced her head on. “I thought maybe if I painted them they'd disappear, but they're always there. Even during the day.”

 

“Mine too,” she admitted. “I went hunting with Gale before the tour and shot a turkey, but...” she shook her head in an attempt to erase the image of the boy from District One being shot in the chest with her arrow. “Peeta, I feel like I'm losing my mind. I shot at that turkey, only it was the boy from One I saw and Gale...he tried to help, but he doesn't understand.”

 

Though Gale wasn't exactly his favorite topic in the world, Peeta couldn't help but come to the guy's defense. “How could he, Katniss?” He paused before adding, “And honestly...do you really want him to?”

 

Her eyes drifted closed momentarily as she thought about Peeta's question and hated the answer she came up with. “Sometimes I wish he could so I'd have someone to talk to. Someone that...gets it, but then...” she swallowed thickly.

 

“But then you realize that you wouldn't wish these things on your worst enemy,” he finished her unspoken thoughts.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Yeah,” he agreed. “I'm the same way.” He clasped her hand in his and held it against his thigh. “I tried to talk to my brothers and my dad, but they just gave me that...that look of...I don't know. Pity?” He let out a frustrated grunt. “God I hate that look.”

 

“Me too,” she spoke quietly. “The worst is when complete strangers stare at you like a second head sprouted out of your neck.”

 

“I always think they're looking at me like I've got a booger hanging out of my nose and don't know how to tell me.” He was pleased when she chuckled softly at his description. “Guess it's a good thing we're friends now.” He grinned at her look of inquisition. “We finally have someone to talk to that gets it.”

 

“And won't look at us like we have a booger,” Katniss added.

 

“Or a second head,” Peeta's smile held a hint of humor as he lifted the covers. “Why don't you lie down?” He wasn't sure if he should ask, but he feared that she'd have another nightmare and he wouldn't hear her. “I could stay if you want.”

 

It had been on the tip of her tongue, but asking him to stay seemed a little too personal and she wasn't sure if he'd agree to it since their friendship was still in the _new_ phase. “Would you mind?”

 

“Not at all,” he kicked his shoes off and climbed beneath the blankets. Holding his arms open, he waited for her to adjust herself with her head against his chest before saying, “Anytime you need someone, Katniss...even if it's just to sit and hold your hand, let me know. I'll be there in the blink of an eye.”

 

He thought about the things she had confessed to him about Gale not understanding what she was going through and silently wondered what the man had done to help her. Maybe one day he'd ask, but for right now Peeta was grateful that he could do what no one else could, bring her some form of comfort. The feel of her warm body curled up against him, her even breathing tickling at his skin telling him that she had fallen back to sleep, her arms wrapped around his torso as though he were her security blanket, filled him with a sense of purpose and the need to protect her. “You asleep?” He asked even though he knew she was, but he had to be sure. “It's gonna be okay, Katniss. I won't let anyone hurt you ever again,” his vow came out in a horse whisper. Though he had joined up with the Careers to keep them off of Katniss' trail while in the arena, once he had been injured he felt as though he were a hindrance to her survival. But now, while she slept, he finally felt as though he could provide her with the protection he failed so miserably at during the Games. He placed a tender kiss against the top of her head and spoke into her hair, “I'll keep you safe, Katniss. I promise.”

 

Katniss and Peeta's tacit nightly sleeping arrangements quickly became a habit that spurred gossip amongst everyone on the train during the Victory Tour. Katniss didn't care one bit about the rumor mill, nor did she pay attention to Effie's warning about men that, “Don't buy the cow if they get the milk for free.” Katniss had no clue what her escort meant by that, and simply gave her a complacent smile before sitting precariously close to Peeta while he and Haymitch played a game of chess.

 

“Hey,” Peeta peered over his shoulder and sucked in a breath at how near Katniss' nose was to his. “You...uh...you okay?” The aroma of her hot cocoa and peppermint breath accosted his senses.

 

“Yeah,” she rested her head against his shoulder and held his free hand in both of hers. Had this been two weeks ago she would have chalked her closeness to Peeta up to the part she had to play, but since they started spending their nights together, she found herself needing him just as much during the daytime hours. Today, she needed him more than ever.

 

“Mind if we finish this later?” Peeta asked Haymitch and failed to wait for an answer. “Come on,” he led Katniss to the last train car without saying a word. They didn't have much time left before having to get ready for their appearance that day, so he did his best to help ease her worries before they came pouring down upon her. “Sit with me,” he leaned his back against the corner of a long sofa, stretching his legs out on it, and held his arm out.

 

There was no longer a need to read into his actions. Katniss knew why he was helping her. It was the same reason she was willing to help him through the terrifying memories of the arena. She sighed contentedly as his thick arms engulfed her frame when she lay alongside of him. “District Two,” she spoke with dread dripping from her voice and thoughts of two tributes whose deaths she was solely responsible for.

 

“I know,” Peeta ran a hand gingerly down the back of her head and curled it against the curve of her neck. Saying they'd be fine was unrealistic and contrite. The longer the tour lasted, the worse their nightmares...their images of horror during the day, became. “Just a few more days and then it's all over.” He failed to add how scared he was of losing this connection with her once they got back home.

 

They sat quietly, his hand stroking various parts of her body, hers brushing back and forth over his beating heart, when the vision of a shiny silver blade came flying at Katniss' head. Shooting up, she let out a loud gasp and reached for the spot on her forehead where Clove's knife had sliced her, expecting to find it bloodied.

 

“What's wrong?” Peeta sat up with her and curled her body against his. “What is it?”

 

“Clove.” Katniss could feel her heart racing uncontrollably. “Her knife,” she felt blindly at her forehead once again.

 

“Oh God,” Peeta placed a kiss against the spot where Clove's wound had once been. Telling her that it was okay...that Clove could no longer hurt her was useless. It was merely a reminder that another child had been killed for no reason other than to entertain the people of the Capitol and to enforce Snow's power in the districts. “Have I ever told you about my brother's fear of spiders?” It was the first thing that popped into Peeta's mind.

 

“Huh?” Katniss had no clue what the hell Peeta was talking about.

 

“My brother. He's got this fear of spiders that's almost funny,” Peeta pulled back until her inquisitive stare met his humor filled one. “The guy is twenty years old and whenever he sees a spider he lets out this high pitched squeal that could burst a person's eardrums. I swear he sounds like a five year old girl.” He watched as Katniss furrowed her brow in wonder trying to decide what to make of his random topic of conversation. “And don't get me started on my other brother's paranoia. I swear the guy spends more time knocking on wood then breathing.” The sniff she let out sounded almost like laughter so Peeta continued on. “My dad...well...he's got this habit that's sort of...” Peeta cringed and smiled simultaneously.

 

Katniss waited for Peeta to go on, but he simply sat there with this expression that said he was sort of embarrassed for his dad. “Tell me,” she gave his hand a squeeze. “What's your dad's habit?”

 

Peeta ducked his head down slightly, scratched at the nape of his neck and dragged it out as long as possible. “Poor guy. All I can say is I hope it's not inherited.”

 

“You hope what's not inherited?” Peeta hemmed and hawed, but still didn't answer. “Damn you, Peeta,” Katniss said with a combination of frustration and playfulness. “Tell me!”

 

“Sure you want to know?” He asked and got one of her scowls in response. “Okay, I'll tell you. My dad can't sneeze without passing gas.” Peeta began to chuckle when Katniss' jaw dropped. “I mean it! Every single time he lets out a sneeze we say, 'bless you,' and he follows it up with an, 'excuse me.' That's right about the time the scent reaches us and curls our nose hairs. But that's not the only time. If he coughs...bends over...lifts something heavy... The man is a walking bag of gas.” It wasn't the most polite topics of conversation, but Katniss seemed to be completely enthralled with this new knowledge of Peeta's family life so he continued with enthusiasm, “Oh man...there was this one time... You know Mrs. McIntyre? She owns the shoe store?”

 

“Yeah,” Katniss gave her eyes a roll when she thought of the merchant and how much better the woman thought she was compared to everyone else in the district.

 

“Okay, so you know she's sort of a...snob.”

 

“That's putting it mildly.”

 

“Well,” Peeta continued, “my dad was bringing up a rack of fresh baked tarts while Mrs. McIntyre and my mom were gossiping over the counter. I was bagging up her order,” Peeta added as an afterthought. “So my dad,” he began to chuckle as he recalled what happened next, “he bends over and slides the tray into the display case and as he stands upright he lets out this...fart that was so loud it had my brothers running from the back of the bakery to see what was wrong.”

 

Katniss clamped her hands over her mouth as she bit back her laughter. “No way.”

 

“I mean it!” Peeta's brows raised into his hairline. “And Mrs. McIntyre is just standing there with this look on her face like he when he stood up he was suddenly naked or something.”

 

“Oh my God,” Katniss said from behind her hand.

 

“But the best part,” Peeta leaned closer, “was my mother. The woman had no clue what to say, she was so embarrassed. She actually refused to work in the front of the bakery for almost a month because she couldn't face anybody.”

 

The idea of Peeta's mom, who Katniss called, “the witch,” having to hide her face in shame for a month brought an enormous amount of pleasure to her and the laughter she had been holding back finally bubbled out. “I can just imagine what those two women looked like.”

 

“It was hysterical. I mean...I tried not to laugh, but even my dad couldn't hold it in.”

 

Peeta let out a loud guffaw when Katniss said, “Literally.”

 

As their laughter turned to smiles and their smiles to sighs of satisfaction, Katniss found herself grateful for Peeta's kindness and their budding friendship. Initially she had wanted to put everything to do with the Games from her mind, Peeta being one of them, but now that she was getting to know him she found herself sorry for keeping him at arm's length. She couldn't help but think she had missed out of so much simply by talking to him.

 

“You feel better now?” Peeta traced her hairline with the tip of his finger and rested his hand on her shoulder.

 

“Yeah. Thanks.”

 

“Anytime,” he leaned back against the sofa and she immediately took her spot in his arms with her head on his chest.

 

“You know, I'm never going to be able to look at your father the same again,” Katniss grinned against the soft material of his shirt with a feeling somewhere between happiness and peace filling her spirit until the door to the train car opened and their escape from the day's events came to a crashing halt.

 

Peeta could feel the tension in Katniss' body the second Cinna walked in and informed her it was time to get ready for their appearance in District Two. “Hey,” he cupped her cheeks in his hands and held her worried gaze, “it's okay. We'll get through this.”

 

“I'll give you two a minute,” Cinna exited the train car leaving the duo in private.

 

“Peeta, I'm the reason Clove is dead and I shot Cato. I killed him.” Whatever Peeta had done or said to keep her nerves from frazzling was a thing of the past. The two tributes from District Two were now prominent fixtures in her mind.

 

“First of all, you're not the reason any of the tributes died, Katniss. That's on the Capitol, not you. Secondly, you may have shot Cato, but you did it out of mercy, not hatred or malice. Those Gamemakers could have sent the mutts back into the forest, but they chose to draw out his death for as long as possible. That's also not on you. You did what any decent human being would have done in that position.”

 

“His family won't think I was a decent human being,” she clutched her arms around his neck and held on for as long as she could.

 

“Probably not,” Peeta didn't sugarcoat what was about to happen. “But we only have to face them once in our lifetime and we can get through this together. I swear, Katniss.” He squeezed her tightly and moved his lips to her ear. “Today's going to be hard, but I'll be there the entire time, and once we're through we can hide out in your room and try to forget for a little while. In the meantime,” he rested his forehead against hers and held her hands between them, “I'll tell you what I'm going to think of when things get too hard today. I'm going to think about the way your hair feels when I run my fingers through it.”

 

“Peeta,” she said on a breath of warning as she put a few inches of distance between their noses.

 

“Did you know you have very silky hair? It's thick like a horse's mane, but really smooth.”

 

Unable to keep eye contact with him, she turned away from him and wished he wouldn't remind her that he had more than platonic feelings for her. “Please don't.”

 

“But that's what I'm thinking about today.” He ran his fingers through the ends of her hair and spoke in a reassuring tone, “Today, your hair is going to be the one thing I concentrate on. Yesterday it was that giant plum colored flower on Effie's dress. The day before it was that putrid green color of Haymitch's vomit. Not my greatest choice.” Relief flooded through him when Katniss turned to face him with a soft smile hinting at her lips. “But today...today I'm treating myself to something truly beautiful. Something that makes me forget about the harsh realities of life for a little while and reminds me that even though something is as dark as night and appears to be coarse, it can still be velvety smooth and lovely to the touch.”

 

“It's just hair, Peeta.” Regardless of what she said, she could feel her expression softening and her nerves calming.

 

“Pick something,” he encouraged her. “Find one thing in this room that you think is so beautiful, it reminds you that no matter how cruel life can be, there's still something exquisite to hold out for.” When she stared into his eyes without saying a word for several long seconds, he tried again, “Come on, Katniss. Give it a go.”

 

“I am,” she studied the cerulean blue of his eyes and the kindness...the hope that still sparkled within. “Okay,” she said when she got her fill.

 

“Okay.” His chest swelled slightly when he realized what she had been doing. “I'll see you later.”

 

The visit to District Two was a special kind of torture for Katniss, as was the trip to District One. That night, when images of Glimmer's bloated fingers reached for Katniss' throat and began choking the life out of her, she thrashed around in bed, clawing at her bare throat in an attempt to remove Glimmer's nonexistent fingers. “Katniss. Katniss,” the sound of Peeta's worried voice had her bolting upright. Her eyes zipped from one corner of the room to the other in search of the evening's demon only to find Peeta on his knees at her side. “I've got you,” his arms encompassed her upper body and drew her to him. “It's okay. No one's going to hurt you. I won't let them.” She could feel the gentle pressure of his lips pressing tender kisses against the top of her head and sunk into his embrace. “Shh,” the combination of his breathy tone and strong arms drew her into the sanctuary only Peeta could provide. “There's a robin that nests in our apple tree every spring,” he began telling her a tale of a male and female bird that returned to the same spot each year to mate while laying her back down. She had grown up in the woods, knew most bird's mating habits, but the way Peeta spoke had her losing herself in his story. She was no longer afraid for her life on the Capitol's train, but in the middle of a sunny field, staring up the trunk of an apple tree while a pair of robins sang their melodious song. When sleep finally came Katniss was laying her head on Peeta's chest in the middle of that field with the sun shining down on them and fragrant spring blossoms filling the air.

 

The final stop on the Victory Tour before heading back to District Twelve was the Capitol. It was there that Katniss would find out if she and Peeta had convinced President Snow of their love for one another. Though privately they had formed a tight knit bond, in public their acts of affection towards one another were forced and uncomfortable, even for Peeta. It never dawned on Katniss how her suggestion of marriage would hurt Peeta until he disappeared into his room for an extended length of time.

 

She couldn't understand Peeta's reluctant agreement to proposing. “I thought he wanted it anyway,” she said to Haymitch with a tone so cold she could barely keep her self-disgust hidden.

 

“Not like this,” Haymitch said. “He wanted it to be real.”

 

As she crawled under the covers of her bed, she realized the depth of which she had hurt Peeta and then immediately thought of the other man in her life. The one she didn't have to question her love for. It may not have been the same type of love a man and woman had for one another, but one of mutual respect and that type of love was much more useful in her life then the kind Peeta was holding out for.

 

Pulling a pillow over her head, she tried to force thoughts of Gale from her mind, but he refused to go away. The one and only kiss they had shared lingered on her lips even though it had happened months earlier, and guilt was now just as much of a burden as the pressure Snow put upon her prior to the Victory Tour.

 

She could hear the conversation she had with the president repeating verbatim in her mind, but it was his final words that haunted her this entire trip. _“Convince me,”_ she thought that would be the last thing the president said to her in regards to the onscreen romance she had with Peeta. But just as he was about to leave her study, he turned to face Katniss and confirmed her worst fears, _“By the way, I know about the kiss.”_ Somehow President Snow had figured out that Gale had kissed her or he had some type of surveillance hidden within the confines of the woods that showed him exactly what had happened. Either way, Katniss sucked in a horrified gasp and swore that she would put on the show of a lifetime in order to save the people she loved.

 

“Oh Gale,” Katniss sighed into her pillow and tried not to think about the anguish she'd be causing him too. She stared up at the ceiling and spoke quietly to herself, “This is why I never wanted to fall in love. It does nothing but bring you pain.”

 

_Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while,_   
_But in time..._   
_Nothing can harm you_   
_Not while I'm around..._   
  
_Not to worry, not to worry_   
_I may not be smart but I ain't dumb_   
_I can do it, put me to it_   
_Show me something I can overcome_   
_Not to worry, Mum_

 

_~Stephen Sondheim~_

 

 

 

Haymitch's visit to Peeta's room before the festivities at the Capitol began was exactly what he needed to put things back into prospective. “It's okay to hurt for a little while, kid, but times like these you can't dwell on yourself for too long. It sucks, but that's the way it is.”

 

“I know,” Peeta studied the spot between his feet.

 

“She didn't mean to hurt you. She's just sort of...well...”

 

“She can be brusque at times, I know that, but I really thought we were making progress, Haymitch.” He let out a pathetic chuckle. “I actually thought she was starting to fall for me.”

 

“Me too, kid,” Haymitch rested a hand on Peeta's shoulder then headed for the door. “I still think she is.”

 

“Yeah?” Peeta met his reassuring look.

 

“Yeah, but don't tell her I said that or she might poison me or something,” Haymitch said on a laugh as he left Peeta to his thoughts.

 

“Maybe one day,” Peeta said quietly to himself before accepting his next lot in life.

 

Doing what they needed during the events at the Capitol, Katniss and Peeta waited on the edge of their seats for President Snow's reaction to their performance in the districts. It was Katniss that took notice of Snow shaking his head at her, telling her that she hadn't fulfilled her duties as one of the star-crossed-lovers. Snow's resounding, yet silent, answer to the question of whether or not they had convinced him of their unabashed love for one another should have filled Katniss with a sense of fear; instead it left her feeling free from the unknown.

 

The plan she had been forming in the back of her mind had started after leaving District One. Katniss walked towards the train and wished it could take her and Peeta...everyone she cared for, to a place of safety instead of a viper's pit and that's when she realized they didn't need a train. All they needed was the shelter of the forbidden woods in Twelve to hide them as they made their way on foot towards their escape. Now that Snow had lifted the worry from her shoulders, she could be concerned about those that mattered most in her life instead of everyone in the districts. At first it surprised her that she automatically included Peeta as someone she cared about, but she could no longer deny that he was slowly worming his way into her heart.

 

Certain that it was nothing more than the friendship they had formed while on the tour, she chose not to concern herself with these new found feelings towards him. Choosing not to tell Peeta about Snow's observation, or her escape plan, Katniss played the role of girl in love without a hitch that night. There were moments when she could sense her overly giddy persona had Peeta in a state of confusion, but he too pulled off the act of being head over heels in love, with flying colors. She failed to remind herself the reason he was so good at it, was because he _was_ in love with her. That was far too complicated at the moment and truth be told, she wasn't sure she'd ever be ready to face the emotional conflict he was beginning to stir within her.

 

The trip back home came as a relief to Katniss, but Peeta had a difficult time with it. He despised the tour and the Capitol insisting they celebrate the deaths of the other children that had been in the arena with them. He hated the nightmares both he and Katniss experienced, but her presence each night...he simply wasn't sure how he would make it without her near. He roamed the train in complete darkness contemplating his options only to find that he had none. They may have been engaged now, but he knew the truth. Katniss had only agreed to it in order to save the people she loved. To save Gale. Plopping down on the sofa he and Katniss had shared prior to their arrival in District Two; Peeta let his head fall back and closed his eyes. Within minutes he was frozen in place and listening to the sound of Katniss' cries for help. When he finally woke from the nightmare, he ran to her room and found her sleeping peacefully with a hint of a smile splayed upon her lips. Doing his best not to wake her, he crawled under the covers next to her, allowed the closeness of her body to bring him the relief he sorely needed and wished to himself that he could spend his life with her arms wrapped around his trunk and the scent of her skin filling his senses.

 

Peeta woke about an hour before Katniss and watched her as her lips quirked. He could sense the second she came to. “No nightmares,” Peeta said as he looked down into her well rested eyes.

 

“What?”

 

“You didn't have any nightmares last night.”

 

He studied her expression as it went from curiosity to pleasure. “I had a dream though.” She told him how she was following a mockingjay with Rue's singing voice, through the woods, and of how happy she felt in doing so.

 

“Well, you slept like you were happy,” Peeta said with a surge of love flowing through him.

 

“Peeta, how come I never know when you're having a nightmare?” She had wondered several times, but never asked.

 

“I don't know. I don't think I cry out or thrash around or anything. I just come to, paralyzed with terror,” the calm, accepting way he said it sent a chill up Katniss' spine. She hated that this was his life now. He was too good of a person to deserve that kind of nightly torture, but maybe she'd be able to rid him of some of that soon enough.

 

“You should wake me,” the offer was a little too late, but who knew when they'd wind up sharing a bed again.

 

“It's not necessary. My nightmares are usually about losing you. I'm okay once I realize you're here,” Peeta told her truthfully and without regret. “Be worse when we're home and I'm sleeping alone again,” he confessed to her and noticed the way her body stiffened in his arms. “I'm not saying that to make you feel bad or anything.”

 

“I know,” Katniss sat up in bed and tried not to show the sense of relief she felt at the mere thought of being back in Twelve. Of seeing her family...Gale again. “It's just a little hard to hear sometimes.” She toyed with the ends of her hair and said, “Sometimes I think maybe I'm using you or something.”

 

“No,” he shook his head and threw his legs over the edge of the bed. “If I'm being honest, I think we're both using each other.”

 

She threw a scowl in his direction. “Thanks,” she deadpanned.

 

“I just mean that...we're both giving and we're both taking. Isn't that what being a friend is all about? Turning to them when you need them...when they need you?”

 

“I guess so,” she didn't say it, but she was thinking that the only friend she had ever used that way was waiting for her at home.

 

“Why don't we go back a few minutes when you were happy and content? I like that Katniss.”

 

“Me too,” she grinned and flopped down next to him on the mattress. “I'm starving. Should we order some food?”

 

“Sure,” Peeta tucked an arm behind his head. “But you can do it. I don't want to risk running into Effie again and having her give me a lecture about your reputation.”

 

“What?” Katniss said on the end of a laugh.

 

They compared Effie's lectures to one another until Cinna knocked and prepared Katniss for their arrival in Twelve. They pulled into Twelve's depot and greeted the guests that had showed up for a few minutes then they were both whisked off in preparation for the banquet at the Mayor's house. As far as Katniss was concerned, this was the happiest she had been in years. Perhaps happy wasn't the right word for the way she felt, maybe content suited her better at this point. Without even knowing it, President Snow had returned her strength, her determination...her sense of peace, back to her. For a little while at least. She should have known the man was full of lies and contempt.

 

The moment she saw the television broadcast of the districts rebelling and a flag waving with her mockingjay symbol on it, Katniss knew that President Snow's request to have her subdue things within the districts was a last ditch effort on his part. Hatred for the Capitol had finally boiled to the surface within the districts and there was no way she and Peeta could have quelled that type of anger.

 

Now more than ever she had to make sure her plan went off without a hitch and she had almost convinced herself that it could...as long as Gale came through for her. She had expected to see him at the dinner at the Mayor's mansion, but Hazelle said he was home sick. When Vick said he was out hunting during the Harvest Festival, Katniss questioned whether or not she'd see her best friend again, but she had to take a chance. She made plans to go to the woods first thing Sunday morning. Her anxiety kept her from any forms of restful sleep that night, and she found herself staring across the street.

 

Tilting her head to the side, she watched as the lights in Peeta's home turned on one after the other. It took her a minute before she realized he had a nightmare and was warding off the fear of darkness. “Oh Peeta,” she sighed, hugging herself in a lame attempt to send him some form of strength. Temptation to walk across the street and provide him with the same compassion he had shown her time and time again churned in her gut. Telling herself that she could help him without revealing too much was a joke. The moment she was in his presence she knew she'd confess all she saw on the broadcast at the Mayor's mansion. “Not yet,” she rested the flat of her hand against the pane of cold glass and felt her heart tear when Peeta's silhouette stood framed like one of his pictures, in the window directly across from her room. _Soon_ , she thought to herself. _I promise, I'll tell you everything as soon as I talk to Gale._ She watched as he placed his hand against the glass, mirroring her position and almost ran to him, but doing so could be disastrous. Nothing could be risked until she worked things out with Gale. If he refused to run away with them, she didn't think they'd survive. She needed his strength and knowledge of the woods...his hunting skills. She needed Gale for all of their survival. But looking at the dark outline of Peeta's form, she knew he was the one in need right now. Closing her eyes, she pressed her hand hard against the pane of glass and willed Peeta to feel the flow of endurance coming from deep within her. Tears dripped down her cheeks as the ache in the pit of her stomach turned sharp. “I won't let him hurt you, Peeta,” she whispered hoarsely and swore she'd do everything in her power to keep him from harm. “I won't let anyone hurt you ever again. I promise.”

 

 

_Being close and being clever_   
_Ain't like being true_   
_I don't need to,_   
_I would never hide a thing from you,_   
_Like some..._

 

_~Stephen Sondheim~_

 

It had been two weeks since everything in the district came to a head, and Gale wound up on the table of Katniss' mother with deep slashes in his back as a result of the new Head Peacekeeper Thread's leather whip. During the first day or two Peeta watched as Gale drifted in and out of a morphling induced sleep and Katniss devoted herself to him.

 

The night she called had taken Peeta by surprise. It was right after Gale had been whipped and Peeta caught her sleeping by his side, with Gale's hand clutched tightly in hers. Peeta had sent Katniss up to bed, and tried desperately to accept that the woman he loved, loved someone else. Katniss had made her choice and it was time for Peeta to move on, but how? The only conclusion he could come to was to avoid her when at all possible. When he heard her stirring in her room upstairs he said, “Guess I'll head home,” to Mrs. Everdeen. “Don't want to leave my house unattended in this snow storm.”

 

“You can stay, Peeta,” Katniss' mom offered.

 

Peeta lifted his eyes to the ceiling where Katniss' footsteps echoed, then traveled to the man laying injured on the kitchen table. “No, Mrs. Everdeen. I can't,” he choked out and left before his emotions threatened to crack.

 

He glanced at the ringing phone on his kitchen wall and contemplated whether or not to answer it. It was either someone from the Capitol or Katniss. No one else he knew had a working phone. It was another one of the Capitol's ways of controlling the people of the nation. Wouldn't want them figuring out a way of communicating with those outside of their own district. By the fourth ring, Peeta picked it up and forced himself to keep his jealousy in check. It was crazy when he thought of it. He was jealous of a man that had been whipped within an inch of his life. “Hello.”

 

“Hey,” the sound of Katniss' voice sent a surge of pain to course from the phone's earpiece straight to his heart. “I just wanted to make sure you got home.”

 

Katniss sat in the study of her house, a room she had avoided at all costs since President Snow's visit, but now she sought the privacy the room provided her. “Katniss, I live three houses away,” she listened to the distance in Peeta's voice and momentarily longed to go back to the time when they were a source of solace for one another instead of grief. When she woke up that day from a nightmare it was Peeta's arms she had craved, and she had to remind herself that it was Gale she had chosen to love. But what kind of love was it? And with all that was going on, did she really have time to waste on such a frivolous emotion?

 

During the two week time span Gale spent at her house, Katniss suffered along with the rest of the district when the mines closed and food became scarce. Not that she was going hungry, but she knew the reason for all that was happening could be laid at her feet. Her mother had said Gale could go home, his recovery no longer required her round the clock care, but Hazelle had asked if he could stay an extra day or two since the rest of the family had come down with a bug. She wasn't sure if Gale's mother had been telling the truth or if she simply didn't have enough food to feed him plus the rest of the family, but Katniss was grateful for Gale's presence. The night she relived Rue's death and buried her in flowers, she shivered in fear as she watched Rue's picturesque coffee complexion turn to a deep chocolate colored fur. Rue's nose turned into a snout and her teeth with saliva dripping from her bared fangs snapped at Katniss' throat. Katniss screamed at the top of her lungs and reached out for Peeta's arms, but he wasn't there. Katniss' eyes darted towards her bedroom door and raced down the hall towards the guest room. “Gale?” She whispered as she tiptoed towards his bed. “Gale?”

 

“Catnip?” She saw his gray eyes glowing in the darkness like a beacon of light. “What's wrong? Was that _you_ screaming?”

 

“Yeah,” she sat at the edge of the bed and waited until he rolled over and faced her. “I had a nightmare.”

 

“It's only a dream, Katniss,” Gale rested his hand on her upper leg and gave it a friendly pat. “You're fine now.”

 

“Yeah but it was so real. It was Rue and...” she told him about her dream and longed for him to take her in his arms. To her surprise, he failed to do so.

 

“Katniss, it's all over now. You're not in the arena anymore, and those people you're dreaming about... They're dead, Katniss. They can't hurt you anymore. Okay?” He looked at her expectantly.

 

“Okay,” it wasn't what she was hoping for. Nor what she was in need of. It wasn't Rue she feared, or the other tributes, it was the Capitol and what they were able to do to her.

 

“Why don't you go back to bed now before your mom catches you in here?” Gale rolled over and presented his back to her. “G'night.”

 

“Night,” she said softly as she shuffled dejectedly towards her room.

 

The next night she tried to turn to him for comfort once again and received similar answers to her dilemma, this time he didn't let her share what she had seen in her dreams. Glancing down the flight of stairs towards her front door, Katniss was tempted to go to the one place...the one person that could make it all go away, if only for a moment in time, but chose to stare out her window at Peeta's well lit house instead with her hand against the glass until his silhouette took up the same position as hers in his own window. The third night Katniss was awoken from one of the worst nightmares she had ever experienced; she opened the door to the guest room, but didn't bother waking up Gale.

 

As she made her exit her mother spoke quietly from down the hall, “Katniss? Are you okay?”

 

If she could have answered she would have, but the only thing that came out were some desperate pants and a steady stream of tears. Her mother's arms encircled her, but they were not the ones Katniss desired. “Peeta,” she said through shaky voice.

 

“Go ahead,” her mother gave her a reassuring pat on the back. “Try and be back before your sister wakes up, okay?”

 

“'kay.” Wearing nothing but her nightclothes, Katniss threw her coat over her shoulders and slipped her feet into her boots, then tread through the snow and pounded on Peeta's door.

  


“Katniss?” Peeta answered wearing nothing but a pair of pajama pants and a stunned expression.

 

The same feeling of guilt filled her as she thought once again how she was using Peeta for her own benefit. “I shouldn't have come,” she said with a hitch in her voice, unmoving from her spot.

 

“Come here,” he didn't have to ask why she was there. He could tell by her tear streaked cheeks and ghostly white pallor. Without saying a word he slipped her boots from her bare feet and her coat from her shoulders. He led her to his room, pulled back the blankets then added a log to the fireplace directly across from his bed. He waited until she was in his arms before urging her to talk to him. “Want to tell me about it?” Whatever she had dreamed about must have seriously shaken her up, because her breathing was ragged and choppy and her entire body was trembling. “Tell me, Katniss.”

 

“It was you,” she hid her face against his neck and inhaled the sweet scent of cinnamon from his skin. “You were tied to the post in the middle of town and Thread...he was whipping you and no matter what Haymitch and I did he refused to stop. Everyone just went about their business like seeing a person being whipped...you,” she accentuated the word as though the idea of Peeta Mellark being injured should be outlawed, “you were bleeding everywhere. You were almost...” her voice cracked as she said, “dead,” and the hot tears streamed down her face burning a path from her eyes to her lips. “I couldn't protect you.”

 

“Oh, Katniss,” he clutched her and peppered the top of her head with soft pecks.

 

“They were torturing me through you and I...I didn't know what to do. I woke up and went to Gale's room, but he,” she let out a “heh” sound somewhere between a laugh and disgust. “He had a pillow clamped over his ears like he was trying to block out the sound of my screams.”

 

“Oh God,” in that moment, Peeta truly hated Gale for letting her down when she needed him. “I'm here now. I've got you, and I'm fine. I swear.” Her hands searched out the top of his shoulders and squeezed between him and the mattress. “You want to see?” He rolled them onto their sides. “Go ahead...feel. There's nothing, not one mark on my back.”

 

Her palms slid up and down his wide back. Her fingers traced each vertebrae, measured the space between his shoulder blades, the firm muscles that tensed then relaxed with each one of his breaths, but that still didn't keep the tears from pooling on the pillow beneath her cheek. “I can't lose you, Peeta.”

 

“You won't.” He pressed a hard kiss against her cheek and felt her respond in kind. “I'm so sorry I've been keeping my distance, Katniss.”

 

“You have no reason to be sorry. It was my fault. I knew I hurt you that morning you saw me sleeping with my head next to Gale's, but I couldn't...” she had no idea how to explain what was going through her mind let alone her heart. “I can't afford this, Peeta. I can't fall in love. Not now. Not with all of this happening.” Her lips moved of their own accord as they pressed soft kisses against his ear...his cheek...the hinge of his jaw.

 

“I know you think you can't,” he could feel himself threatening to cry simply from the anguish she was putting herself through. “But Katniss, there's nothing wrong with you falling in love. Even if it's not with me.”

 

She had chosen...she made the choice dammit! If she was going to love someone, it was going to be Gale. The person she trusted with her life. The person that had been there for her when she had nothing, but wasn't Peeta there for her too? He didn't even know her and he saved her life by burning some bread and throwing it to her. He was willing to die for her...had joined the Careers for her, simply because he loved her. He didn't even know her and he loved her. This last thought shook her to the core. “I...I can't love you,” she said through lips saturated with tears. “Please,” she begged for the ache in her chest to dissipate into thin air.

 

Did he tell her? Did he keep everything he was feeling in his heart from her, or did he lay it all out on the line? The tears in her eyes caused them to glisten like pools of silver mist, but it wasn't just the tears, there was something else there. Something hiding beneath the surface of her normally hard exterior. “What if you allowed _me_ to love _you_ , Katniss? Just for tonight?”

 

“Tonight?” She had no idea exactly when she tucked her leg between his, or why she continually stroked at the curls at the nape of his neck.

 

“Tonight,” he brushed his nose against hers and breathed her in. “And tomorrow we can pretend that none of this happened. Go back to being friends.”

 

“Friends,” she agreed as she placed a kiss at the corner of his mouth. “You'll still be my friend?”

 

“Of course I will,” Peeta damned himself for staying away from her. “I told you, if you ever need anything from me, all you had to do was let me know.” He captured her face in his wide palms and peered deep into her eyes, “I'm here, Katniss. Not because Snow decided it's where I should be. Not because I'm playing a role, but because I love you.” Her lips trembled as her eyes darted back and forth. “I love you,” he rested his head against hers then pressed his lips against hers in a delicate kiss.

 

“You love me.” The last time those words were spoken to her it had been Gale on the other end of them, and her response was, _“I know.”_ She had to wonder why Peeta's declaration didn't provoke the same response. Why didn't it instill that same sense of dread that Gale's had? Instead Katniss clutched tightly to his bare back and spoke against his lips, “You love me.”

 

“Yeah,” his hand conformed to the shape of her scalp as he held her in place. Their slightly parted lips joined in a soft, subtle peck...two...by the third their heads were tilting and their tongues exploring. “I won't leave you,” Peeta spoke thickly between their mouths. “I'll always take care of you.”

 

“Me too, Peeta,” she pulled him on top of her and wallowed in the feel of his body pressing hers into the mattress. “Tomorrow we'll pretend this never happened,” she breathed into his mouth. “Tomorrow we'll be friends,” but somewhere deep inside Katniss hoped tomorrow would never come.

 

 

_No one's gonna hurt you, no one's gonna dare_   
_Others can desert you,_   
_Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there!_   
_Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while_   
_But in time..._   
_Nothing can harm you_   
_Not while I'm around..._

 

_~Stephen Sondheim~_

 

“MOMMY! DADDY!!!” The sound of the child's high pitched scream had Peeta and Katniss racing down the hall towards their daughter's bedroom.

 

“We're here. We're here,” they spoke in unison, their arms overlapping each other's as they held their daughter in a tight embrace. There were parents in the world that didn't believe in monsters under the bed or boogeymen, but not Norah Primrose's parents. They knew all too well that demons existed and on the rare occasion that their child woke up from a bad dream they never made light of it. They took the time to talk it out, and fill her head with beautiful images. But always, without doubt, they reassured her that she would always be taken care of.

 

“Nothing's gonna harm you,” Peeta spoke softly laying a hand on his pregnant wife's belly and atop his scared daughter's dark head of hair. “Not while I'm around.”

  


~ _The End_ ~

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Nothing's Gonna Harm You written by Stephen Sondheim for the musical Sweeney Todd.


End file.
